Know When You're Projecting, To Overcome Your Fears

Whenever you have a harsh judgment of another, you're projecting. This means, according to Webster, that you're unconsciously "ascribing to another [your] own undesirable ideas, impulses, or emotions." In other words, you're criticizing in others whatever you're afraid to look at within yourself. Projection is an insidious tendency in humans. People feel so righteous when they're doing it, not even realizing they're projecting. So how do you stop it? How can you control something you don't even know you're doing? Just go back to sentence one up there: Whenever you have a harsh judgment of someone else, you're projecting. In this context, judgment is different from discernment. Judgment condemns rather than simply observes. It's one thing to discern that someone is lying, and it's quite another to want to punish the person for it. If you have an overwhelming urge to punish someone, you are projecting. Period. Someone else's words or actions can trigger your self-doubt and unresolved fear from the past. Know that the force of your fury isn't driven by what's taking place right then, but by something that happened in the past—and you're afraid it will occur again in your future. The next time you catch yourself criticizing, punishing, projecting, take a breath and observe your own mind. Ask yourself, "Is it possible that my reaction is really a reflection of my own dislike of something in myself? Is it possible for me to see this situation in a different light, one where I can bring discernment instead of judgment to my conscious thoughts?" Be honest with yourself. In a close relationship, it's also wise to explain. You can tell the other person, "I reacted so strongly because what you said brought up my (fears, judgments, etc.) about myself, and I feel upset when that happens." Then apologize sincerely, and make it clear your reaction was really about something that happened in your past rather than about what the person said or did.

The 5 C’s are commitment, communication, cooperation, collaboration and coordination. If you are intending to create a future with one or more people it's a good idea to deep the 5 C’s in mind and to check in with one another periodically to see if you are taking them into consideration as you progress.

COMMITMENT - Setting your intention. What are we all committed to? Can we all state it succinctly? Does the commitment generate enthusiasm? Does it live in our everyday conversations with one another in some way? Are there any obstacles to honoring the commitment to our fullest ability? How are we dealing with those obstacles? Are we all committed to doing what is in our power to do, to have the co-creative endeavor succeed for everyone concerned?

COMMUNICATION - Creating the environment. As human beings our relationships live in language. What we talk about and how we talk about it determines the emotional climate of our relationships. Is our communication style fostering safety and creativity? Are we communicating readily, honestly, and openly? Are there things we are afraid to discuss that need to be discussed? Are there unspoken emotional undercurrents distracting our attention? Are there any recurrent communication breakdowns and is there a strategy in place so they can be avoided in the future? Does our communication include acknowledgment and gratitude? Are people making requests in order to take care of their own needs and wants? Are we giving effective feedback so we can improve as we go? Are we communicating our unified purpose to others in inspiring and enthusiastic ways?

COOPERATION - The necessary attitude. Are we cooperating? Is our cooperation motivated by an inner passion or is it being forced by fear and the need to go with the flow of others intentions? Are we able to find a common path through adversity or is it every man for him self when the going gets tough? Are there any competing egos vying for the spotlight at the expense of others? Are we clear on the benefits of cooperation in this creative endeavor? What is at risk if we don’t cooperate?

COLLLABORATION - Synergizing ideas. Is there an attitude that everyone’s ideas are vital to the whole? Are we able to express our ideas freely without fear of judgment or ridicule? As a group, are we asking BIG questions that bring forth the talent of everyone involved and excite our creative impulses? Are we able to engage in possibility thinking, not limited by the past or what has been? Are we skillful in bringing out the best in each other? Is the system in which we are working set up to receive the avalanche of creativitywe can generate?

COORDINATION - Synchronizing action. What’s the plan? How are we coordinating our actions in effective and harmonious ways? Do we all have an overview of how all the different parts are working together? Are we clear on individual areas of responsibility and accountability? What are the consequences, if any, for failure to perform? How does time play into to it? Do we have established lines of communication? How often do we need to reevaluate the plan? How often and in what form (phone, meetings, e-mail) do we need to communicate in order to coordinate effectively? We all play a vital part in the emerging paradigm of co-creation. Discovering our unique contribution is part of the adventure. We hope that using the 5 C’s will help you better play your part in fulfilling the promise of humanity's evolutionary potential. We have found it very helpful to use written agreements that clarify the foundation of the co-creative relationship. These are the ones we like to use and we offer them for your consideration.

Co-Creator Agreements : 1. I agree to bring my passion and talent to our collective endeavor.

2. I agree to speak the truth with compassion.

3. I agree to listen deeply and respectfully to others.

4. I agree to be responsible for my own needs, wants and sense of being valued.

5. I agree to acknowledge others generously.

6. I will readily use our predetermined protocol for resolving upsets in a way that fosters personal responsibility and collective harmony.

7. I agree to use mistakes constructively and practice forgiveness when called for.

8. I will strive to maintain trust and affinity and restore them if they are damaged.

9. I agree to turn my complaints into requests and communicate constructively to the person who can do something about it.

10. I will refrain from negative gossip.

11. I agree to manage my agreements with others in responsible and courteous ways.

12. I agree to encourage and be encouraged in bringing out our individual genius.

13. I agree to nurture a soulful connection with my fellow co-creators.

"We live on our own solitary islands of reality, absorbed in and fascinated by our own points of view. Frequently we reach out to one another seeking to understand or be understood. The bridge between our separate realities is communication . . . To communicate is to relate."

Focus on New and Powerful Choices to Attract New Situations and People What you focus on expands in your awareness. If you focus on new and powerful choices, you will magnetize yourself and attract new situations and people. These new situations and people will match your purposefully created beliefs, attitudes, and anticipations. So here's the new game plan: Start tuning in to the higher-self perspective in every situation and acting as if this perspective is the most valid. Continually ask yourself, "What is the most empowering point of view about this situation?" or "What interpretation will take me to the future I desire?" Your thoughts become beliefs that become feelings that become attitudes that determine how you'll interpret and respond to situations. Usually the interpretation is automatic and unconscious, but once you've trained yourself to direct and observe your thoughts and identify your belief structures, you can observe and direct your interpretations. Remember, your interpretations aren't beyond your command. As you take charge of your interpretations now, you begin to move to greater levels of authentic personal responsibility and power.

http://www.roberthappe.net/port/video.htm

Minha esposa e eu temos o segredo pra fazer um casamento durar: duas vezes por semana, vamos a um ótimo restaurante, com uma comida gostosa, uma boa bebida, e um bom companheirismo. Ela vai às terças-feiras e eu, às quintas. Nós também dormimos em camas separadas. A dela é em Fortaleza e a minha em São Paulo. Eu levo minha esposa a todos os lugares, mas ela sempre acha o caminho de volta. Perguntei a ela onde ela gostaria de ir no nosso aniversário de casamento. Em algum lugar que eu não tenha ido há muito tempo!', ela disse. Então eu sugeri a cozinha. Nós sempre andamos de mãos dadas. Se eu soltar, ela vai às compras. Ela tem um liquidificador elétrico, uma torradeira elétrica, e uma máquina de fazer pão elétrica. Então ela disse: 'Nós temos muitos aparelhos, mas não temos lugar pra sentar'. Daí, comprei pra ela uma cadeira elétrica. Lembrem-se, o casamento é a causa número um para o divórcio. Estatisticamente, 100% dos divórcios começam com o casamento. Eu me casei com a 'Sra. Certa'. Só não sabia que o primeiro nome dela era 'Sempre'. Já faz 18 meses que não falo com minha esposa. É que não gosto de interrompê-la. Mas tenho que admitir, a nossa última briga foi culpa minha. Ela perguntou: 'O que tem na TV?' E eu disse 'Poeira'. No começo Deus criou o mundo e descansou. Então, Ele criou o homem e descansou. Depois, criou a mulher. Desde então, nem Deus, nem o homem, nem Mundo tiveram mais descanso. Quando o nosso cortador de grama quebrou, minha mulher ficava sempre me dando a entender que eu deveria consertá-lo. Mas eu sempre acabava tendo outra coisa para cuidar antes: o caminhão, o carro, a pesca, sempre alguma coisa mais importante para mim. Finalmente ela pensou num jeito esperto de me convencer.Certo dia, ao chegar em casa, encontrei-a sentada na grama alta ocupada em podá-la com uma tesourinha de costura. Eu olhei em silêncio por um tempo, me emocionei bastante e depois entrei em casa. Em alguns minutos eu voltei com uma escova de dentes e lhe disse: 'Quando você terminar de cortar a grama, você pode também varrer a calçada.' Depois disso não me lembro de mais nada. Os médicos dizem que eu voltarei a andar, mas mancarei pelo resto da vida.' 'O casamento é uma relação entre duas pessoas na qual uma está sempre certa e a outra é o marido...' Luis Fernando Veríssimo