Sacred Contracts

Have you ever wondered what your mission in life is supposed to be? You probably know people who seem to have had their entire life mapped out from the day they were born. You may have envied their sure sense of what they were born to do -- their work, career, marriage, and personal goals. And yet you have probably also wondered whether that was really all there was to it. So have I. The answer I found is that there's much more involved. I believe that each of us is guided by a Sacred Contract that our soul made before we were born. That Contract contains a wide range of agreements regarding all that we are intended to learn in this life. It comprises not merely what kind of work we do but also our key relationships with the people who are to help us learn the lessons we have agreed to work on. Each of those relationships represents an individual Contract that is part of your overall Sacred Contract, and may require you to be in a certain place at a certain time to be with that person. This doesn't mean, of course, that free will plays no role in your Sacred Contract. At any given moment -- or "choice point" -- your Contract may provide you with an opportunity for growth. It can come in the form of a challenge at work, the dissolution of an old relationship or the formation of a new one. As you work with my book "Sacred Contracts," you will keep notes on each of the significant Contracts in your life. I recommend that you keep a notebook or journal for just this purpose. (I've designed a Journal of Inner Dialogue to help you organize all the information you'll accumulate as you review the key relationships in your past and present by answering the many questions in my book.) Your Contract is made up of all these components of your life, yet it can't be reduced to any one of them by itself. One way of viewing your Contract is as your overall relationship to your personal power and spiritual power. It determines how you work with your energy and to whom you give it. Finding and fulfilling your Sacred Contract also depends on how much you are willing to surrender to divine guidance. The Basis of Sacred Contracts I believe that we each agree to the terms of our Contract before entering the physical realm of this world. This applies whether you accept the concept of reincarnation, or believe in a single lifetime followed by heaven or hell -- or neither. I go into the background for my beliefs in much greater detail in "Sacred Contracts", but one fascinating parallel occurs in the writings of Plato. In the tenth and final book of his great work The Republic, Plato relates the Myth of Er. In brief, the story concerns a Greek soldier named Er who is left for dead on the battlefield. Twelve days later he awakens on his own funeral pyre, and later tells a remarkable tale of what he observed while he was suspended between life and death. Er found himself in a kind of way station between heaven and earth where souls were passing from one plane to the other. Dead souls were waiting to be judged and assigned to their reward or punishment, while other souls prepared for their journey to earth. Some were old souls returning for another go-round; others were freshly minted and awaiting their first life on Earth. At one point the waiting souls are presented with many possible life scenarios, and are advised to choose from these "samples of lives." Plato informs us that "there were many more lives than the souls present, and they were of all sorts. There were lives of every animal and of man in every condition," including tyrants. Before entering life on the Earth plane, however, the souls were led to the plain of Forgetfulness, a barren waste with no vegetation, where they were required to drink from the river of Unmindfulness. They then promptly forgot everything that had just happened to them. The reason should be obvious: if you know in advance exactly what's going to happen in your life, you would have great difficulty making decisions or taking actions that are intended to teach you something, often through painful experiences. You might naturally be reluctant to begin a relationship with someone who you knew would hurt you, even though you needed to learn a valuable lesson from that person. Whether we take this myth literally or simply as a teaching device of Plato's, we can use it to gain a higher perspective on our life. If you think of your life's direction as something to which you have agreed, then what formerly seemed like arbitrary or even absurd conditions can be seen in another light. They are part of the roadmap that you've agreed to follow. Each event, each person of any significance whom you encounter, has an agreed-on role in your learning experience. Sometimes the learning is difficult because you don't always surrender to the situation. It may take time for you to see the reasons for it. But the sooner you do, the less painful it becomes. In time, you can learn to accept each event as it happens without struggling against it and prolonging your psychic -- and physical -- suffering. To have a serious illness or injury is difficult enough; seeing it as a punishment or the cruel caprice of fate only makes it harder to bear. The resulting stress will probably also make it worse, and you will take longer to heal or recover. Naturally, you can't be expected to see everything immediately, or in advance. But if you have a way of looking at the symbolic meaning of your experiences, you will be better prepared to accept the inevitable changes to your life. Fighting change builds up emotional scar tissue. Surrendering to divine will allows you to accept the changes, and get on with your life. To help you understand and fulfill the terms of your Sacred Contract, you have been encoded with a set of 12 primary archetypes. Four of these are universal archetypes of survival: the Child, Victim, Prostitute, and Saboteur. The other eight are drawn from the vast storehouse of archetypes dating back to the dawn of human history.

To Overcome Your Fears, Know When You're Projecting Whenever you have a harsh judgment of another, you're projecting. This means, according to Webster, that you're unconsciously "ascribing to another [your] own undesirable ideas, impulses, or emotions." In other words, you're criticizing in others whatever you're afraid to look at within yourself. Projection is an insidious tendency in humans. People feel so righteous when they're doing it, not even realizing they're projecting. So how do you stop it? How can you control something you don't even know you're doing? Just go back to sentence one up there: Whenever you have a harsh judgment of someone else, you're projecting. In this context, judgment is different from discernment. Judgment condemns rather than simply observes. It's one thing to discern that someone is lying, and it's quite another to want to punish the person for it. If you have an overwhelming urge to punish someone, you are projecting. Period. Someone else's words or actions can trigger your self-doubt and unresolved fear from the past. Know that the force of your fury isn't driven by what's taking place right then, but by something that happened in the past—and you're afraid it will occur again in your future. The next time you catch yourself criticizing, punishing, projecting, take a breath and observe your own mind. Ask yourself, "Is it possible that my reaction is really a reflection of my own dislike of something in myself? Is it possible for me to see this situation in a different light, one where I can bring discernment instead of judgment to my conscious thoughts?" Be honest with yourself. In a close relationship, it's also wise to explain. You can tell the other person, "I reacted so strongly because what you said brought up my (fears, judgments, etc.) about myself, and I feel upset when that happens." Then apologize sincerely, and make it clear your reaction was really about something that happened in your past rather than about what the person said or did.

"How you hear what someone says is determined by your interpretations, and your interpretations flow from your past. This is very important to know, especially if you find that you overreact to what others say or habitually get your feelings hurt. . . . Remember, what someone said is not necessarily what you heard, and what you heard is not necessarily what they meant."

It’s amazing how often I’m in conversation with people who are enthusiastic about their spiritual path and teachings. They get so excited discussing how we’re divine beings, how everyone is one, and how many great organizations are lifting the consciousness of the world today. And as long as the conversation stays on the intellectual/conceptual level, everyone’s happy and in agreement. That is until something comes up that challenges their old programmed beliefs.Inevitably a situation comes up where it is clear that these conversations are simply concepts, ideas that appeal to our ego’s sense of self-importance, that we are “cool” and enlightened beings. For example, discussion may come around to being employed at a job that is not fulfilling. Instead of hearing how the person has gratitude for the impetus to leave and move onto something more challenging and creative, I might be hearing how their co-workers are unappreciative and unpleasant and how they are unfortunately stuck in their job with these irritating people.Now, how can we ever say we are stuck in any situation if we truly believe we are divine beings? If we say we are stuck, aren’t we saying we’re being victimized by our finances or lack of ability to see other options in life? If we cannot leave, isn’t that because we don’t have enough faith in ourselves to try something new, or that we don’t have faith that we can find another job that can replace our income? Perhaps we’re even blaming our inability to change jobs on other people or circumstances in our lives? Isn’t it time we move those wonderful spiritual concepts and ideas into action in our lives, rather than leaving them to animated dinner conversations? Either you know yourself as “I am and I can do it” or you know yourself as “I am not and I cannot do it.” You cannot be in two places at the same time. So in any moment in your life you are either living the truth or living a lie. The question is: In any moment – do you have the awareness to hear what you are saying to yourself and others – or are you blindly following the voice in your head that is telling you what you cannot do while giving you all the justifications and reasons to support those lies?Unfortunately, I cannot answer that question for you. It takes real self-honesty and disciplined journaling so that you can see your lies in writing in front of your face. Yes, it’s wonderful to have such enlightened beliefs, but unless you put them into action they’re simply a bunch of lovely concepts that your ego-mind has collected to make it even more powerful.I encourage you to take a moment to see the truth of this strategy so that in the future you don’t allow yourself to fall prey to this kind of thinking. I happen to know that you can do it because I know I can do it and we are one and we are divine. Next time, “I am not and I cannot do it” comes out of your mouth don’t believe yourself. Call a friend that does not have the same mental limitations as you and allow them to assist you in seeing the all the possibilities that life is sharing with you.

"New peace, harmony, and power fill your relationships when you practice radical personal responsibility. Through it, you enter a more refined sphere of relating that enhances your life and accelerates the realization of your ultimate spiritual self. Practicing radical personal responsibility forever changes the way you approach and resolve conflict."

"Surrender the illusion that anyone

other than you

has power or authority over your life."

Feel Happier by Making Friends With All Your Feelings.

Stop judging feelings as good or bad and start looking at what they are trying to teach you.When you act blindly out of your feelings, you can limit and even damage your relationships. But your feelings can be your greatest teachers if you will listen to them. You can seize healing opportunities by paying attention to your feelings, discovering where they are coming from, getting mad or sad about what you are *really* feeling mad or sad about, and then letting the emotional energy move through and out of you without judging it.What's Really Happening? This means that when you get upset, you look more deeply. Let's say someone was going to do the dishes but didn't, and you're peeved. Maybe it's really resentment that he or she isn't spending much time at home. Maybe you were brought up in a house where the kitchen was always a mess and you were embarrassed about that. Who knows? Only you do. You've probably heard that what you resist persists, so allow yourself to feel it, to honor whatever emotion is there. You might keep some old dishes safely taped up in a cardboard box that you can throw around in the garage in a tantrum. (One of our clients said there was no greater satisfaction for her when she got mad.) You may need to cry or scream into a pillow or just pout for a while. Find a way to express yourself in a way that doesn't hurt others and gives you the chance to fully purge the emotion.Keep in mind, there are steps to honoring/mastering your feelings:

(1) Give yourself permission to have these feelings.

(2) Recognize what they are.

(3) Fully feel them. Breathe deeply.

(4) Determine the appropriate level of expression.

(5) Look to see if there's another way to view the painful incident. Is it possible that the meaning you have attached to it is not the highest thought? Look for a higher-self interpretation.

(6) Take responsibility for your feelings and get the lessons they hold so you can move to a higher level of awareness.